A short synopsis of my journey so far.

I actually started college way back in 2011. However at that time I structured my life around the notion that creating art and working as a game artist wasn't for me. The act of stepping outside of my comfort zone scared me much more at that time. So I chose a more traditional media oriented education. I hated it. So after 2 years of trying to convince myself this is what I needed, I quit regardless. 

In 2014 I started college again, this time with a more oriented outlook on what I'm actually passionate about. Games and the visual arts. However as I didn't have any meaningful work to show at the time. I couldn't make it into the more prestigious schools. I settled for something much simpler. Something that I maybe shouldn't have done. Because after 4 years of school I had a notion of what I needed to do, but not so much the skillset to do them. 

I attempted to continue my studies at the Breda University of applied sciences (BUas), as they have renowned program for game artists. However after having tried 3 times to make the cut, I ran out of the money I saved to persue that path. So I decided that it was going to be up to me to pick up the slack and forge my own education. 

Eversince I've been pulling hard to equip myself with the skills to make it into the industry as a succesful artist. I'm improving, but not at the rate I'd like. This has several causes which I could go into. But the most important one I've identified is a fear of exposure, and a fear of judgement. Unfortionately, during my life I've had several instances where I've been the subject of ridicule. Not necessarily always tied to my creative endeavours, but nevertheless difficult to deal with.

I think this has driven me to be a perfectionist and quite shy in sharing my work. I have trouble producing and uploading at a consistent pace. However as you may have guessed, this is also the thing stalling my progress. Objectively I know that sharing work, receiving feedback

I am working to improve this about myself by trying to surround myself with the right people, and steering into the things that frighten me. When I had trouble finding fulfilling work, this attitude drove me to take a job as a lecturer teaching people who for the most part are completely new to creating digital art. 

I feel completely inadequate to teach other people. But I figured that it would also put me in a position where I would be forced to improe. As well as giving me an excuse to keep persuing my creative path, while making a bit of cash on the side. 

Where I stand currently is that eventhough doing this work does help me improve, it is becoming harder for me the focus on the thing I find important. What I want to focus on is hard surface character art. I have recently taken up sculpting in ZBrush, and although I am quite satisfied with my first project, it has also shown me there's still a very long road ahead of me. And my current occupation doesn't allow me to put all my energy in it. 

So I am looking for people who are willing to give me an honest look, and more importantly, who can help me realize this goal. Which is why I wanted to join the THU community. 

 

I think everyone who sets out to do something creative in their life, eventually runs into something about themselves they perhaps don't really like. One could even say the point of creating art is not just to create, but to discover. To discover who you really are. Although that might sound somewhat trite, I do believe that. 

I discovered that its hard to trust the deep end you stare into when you try to put yourself out there as an artist. It takes a degree of vunrability, and humility to expose yourself in a way that might get you hurt. But its the only way you'll ever improve. What I'm looking for are the opportunities to do this in a way that's rewarding. To have at least a little reassurance that what I'm aiming for is not crazy, but achievable. 

All I've ever really wanted out of life is to create. To not have my presence be tracable merely by the air I breathe. But to help someone in a similair way, by inspring them to persue their goals, and put themselves out there aswell. If I can inspire one person, or give that one kid a way to zone out and deal with the bullying and the rejection. Then I will have succeeded.